Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror

Well, it's finally Halloween and, like so many other people this time of year, I've been on a bit of a horror movie kick the last two weeks or so. Rather than revisit some of the horror classics like Psycho, Frankenstein, Halloween, or The Shining I've been taking a look at some lesser-known titles. Movies like Dog Soldiers, WolfCop, American Poltergeist, Exorcism of the Dead and The Tooth Fairy. In keeping with that trend, today's film is Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror. This is an anthology movie similar to Creepshow or Tales from the Crypt, and it consists of three stories. Our narrator and connecting thread between the different tales of horror is the Hound of Hell (played by Snoop Dogg).

The first of these three stories is titled 'Crossed Out'. A woman named Posie (played by Daniella Alonso) is given a magical tattoo on her arm by a stange and mysterious man played by Danny Trejo. This tattoo gives the Posie the ability to kill anyone simply by spray painting a red 'X' over any tag they have left on a building. She doesn't have to kill anyone, she chooses to. And with her choice to make the hood even more violent than it already was, Posie has to pay the ultimate price.

Next up is 'The Scumlord'. Tex and his girlfriend Tiffany (played by Anson Mount and Brande Roderick) are offered the opportunity to receive a hefty inheritance after Tex's father dies. There is a catch though; They have to move to the hood and live with four of the father's old Vietnam war buddies for one year. Tex in particular treats the vets like crap and eventually pushes them to their breaking point, resulting in the death of both Tex and Tiffany.

And finally the last of the three is 'Rapsody Askew'. This one tells the tale of a rapper known as SOD (played by Pooch Hall) who has seen a meteoric rise to fame. Much of this success can be attributed to SOD's friend Quan (played by Aries Spears), who always stuck by his side even though SOD is a pretty terrible person. One night after a big awards show, a mysterious woman enters SOD's hotel room telling him that she knows all about his misdeeds. Soon after, a zombie version of Quan appears and reveals that he now knows that SOD had him killed. The zombified Quan then kills the hitman and disappears, thus framing SOD for murder.

Overall, I think this is a pretty fun movie. It's obviously no cinematic masterpiece but has a pretty decent cast, it's well paced, and the three tales are all distinct and entertaining. Of the three, I think 'Crossed Out' was probably the one I enjoyed the most. I'm not going to go as far as saying that this should be a 'must-watch' every Halloween but, if you come across it give it a try.

 I give this one a 2.5 out of 5

The Tooth Fairy

I've been posting about a number of horror films lately in the lead up Halloween. So far I've written about Dog Soldiers, WolfCop, American Poltergeist, and Exorcism of the Dead. That trend continues today with The Tooth Fairy (not to be confused with the 2010 family-comedy Tooth Fairy starring Dwayne Johnson). 

Released in 2006 The Tooth Fairy is about a old witch who takes children's teeth with the promise of gifts in exchange. The kids never receive the gifts but, are instead brutally murdered and their teeth are kept inside the witch's magic music-box. The film actually starts out with one of these murders and then jumps several decades forward to the present day. A man named Peter (played by Lochlyn Munro) is restoring the witch's house and turning into a cozy bed and breakfast. Peter invites his girlfriend and her daughter Pamela up to the house for a relaxing weekend, but thing go south pretty quickly. After befriending the ghost of another young girl and learning the legend of the evil witch known as the 'Tooth Fairy', Pamela looses a tooth. This, along with the restoration of the home, awakens the witch and she goes on a killing spree. 

This movie is a mess. The witch is after Pamela's tooth but most of her killings seem unrelated to that goal. There are also these two redneck characters who aren't necessary to the plot, and I think were just added to pad the runtime. The acting isn't good, but it's passable for a direct-to-video horror flick. The biggest problem however is that I didn't find this film all that interesting. There are a couple of good kills and some unitentionally funny moments but, it's not enough to earn this movie a recommendation from me.

I give The Tooth Fairy a 1 out of 5.

Horror Double Feature

Halloween is just around the corner and, as I typically do this time of year, I've been watching a few of horror movies to get into the spirit. Last night I ventured into the dark recesses of a couple streaming services hoping to find some spooky options. 

The first movie I decided to check out was American Poltergeist on Netflix. 

Released in 2015, this film is about a group of college kids who decide that this semester they want to live off-campus, and so they rent a couple of rooms at an old house. Of course, this house has a dark past and is haunted. At first it starts out with the landlady acting a little creepy and some strange noises in the house. Eventually, when one of the girls starts to have visions of the people who were killed in the home, things start to escalate quickly. Overall, there is very little positive to say about this movie. The acting is bad, it's not well written, the sound design is shoddy, etc. However, it does hit that sweet spot of being so bad that I found it hilarious. I can't recommend this movie if you're looking for some good scares, with that being said, you may get a few laughs out of it. This one deserves a 0 out of 5 rating but, because I was so entertained by it, I'm going to give American Poltergeist a 1 out of 5.


The second movie I landed on last night was Exorcism of the Dead from 2017, which I came across on Amazon Prime Video. 

Movies about exorcisms have always had a way of suckering me in ever since I first saw 1973's The Exorcist which still stands as the gold-standard of such films. This movie could not be further in quality from that masterpiece. Exorcism of the Dead is probably one of the worst movies I've ever seen. The movie starts off with a woman emailing the Catholic church asking for help as she believes her daughter is possessed by a demon. Eventually a priest arrives and goes up to the girl's room, with her uncle, to perform an exorcism. Most of the movie takes place in this one room and it might be the most boring exorcism ever put to film. Occasionally the movie will venture to another location to show a murder, but it's not much more interesting. This is a rare film with no redeeming qualities, at least that I could spot. I'm giving this one a 0 out of 5.

WolfCop

My last post was about 2002's Dog Soldiers and, since we're only a week away from Halloween, I decided checkout at another werewolf flick.

So, today's movie is the Canadian horror-comedy film WolfCop, which was released back in 2014. With a title like 'WolfCop' you'd probably assume this is a schlocky B-movie....and you would be correct. However, it's also a ton of fun and really entertaining. The movie stars Leo Fafard, Amy Matysio, Jonathan Cherry, Sarah Lind, and Jesse Moss. It centers around a drunken loser of a police officer named Lou Garou (played by Fafard). One night a cult kidnaps Lou and performs a ritual to turn him into a werewolf for their own nefarious purposes. Unfortunately for the cult, they underestimated Garou. Even though he transforms into a beast at night, he still retains enough intelligence to put on his uniform, grab his gun, and hit the streets as the 'WolfCop'.

If you're a fan of horror-comedies then I think that this is definitely one you should check out. It's a little uneven, but it provides just enough gore and dumb laughs to make it worthwhile. I would've liked if the movie was maybe 10 minutes or so longer, because there were a few times when it felt like it was rushing a bit. I went back and forth on whether to give this one a 2.5 or a 3. In the end I decided that, on fun-factor alone, it deserved that extra bump. 
I give WolfCop a 3 out of 5.

Dog Soldiers

2002's Dog Soldiers is a film that I've been meaning to watch for quite a while but just never got around to until now. 

Directed by Neil Marshall, this horror movie is about a group of soldiers who are sent into the woods in Scotland to participate in a training exercise. It's not long before the team stumbles upon a Special Forces camp that has clearly been attacked. Realizing that they are now in in some serious danger, they tend to the wounds of the only surviving Special Forces member and quickly abandon the camp. Almost immediately after, they are attacked by a werewolf with one soldier being killed and another being severely wounded. the group flees towards a nearby road where they are picked up and driven to a farm house by a local woman. From there the film takes a sort of Night of the Living Dead approach, with this group of people trapped in house that is surrounded by monsters. They board up the windows, assess what supplies they have for survival, formulate a few escape plans... all the usual stuff.

I'm not going to call this one a 'great movie' but, I was entertained throughout. It was tense when it needed to be, most of the acting was pretty good, the creature effects were well done, and it's easily one of the better werewolf movies that I've seen. Overall, I had a good time with it and I recommend checking it out if you've never seen it.

 3.5 out of 5

The Infiltrator

This is going to be a short review, because this film may be one of the all-time 'Just OK' movies.

Based on true events, 2016's The Infiltrator is about a U.S. Customs Agent who goes undercover in an attempt to expose a money-laundering organization connected to infamous drug lord Pablo Escobar. The film features a pretty solid cast, highlighted by Bryan Cranston, and tells a interesting story. However, this is a movie that seems like it should have been a little better. As it is, while it's definitely not a bad movie, it feels a bit clunky at times.

Overall, this one is entertaining enough that you won't feel like you wasted 2 hours. That being said, it's also largely forgettable and just made me want to rewatch the 2017 Doug Liman film American Made. 

I give this one a 3 out of 5.

Help!

The 1965 movie Help! is a musical-comedy starring The Beatles, and was released just a year after their first big-screen film A Hard Day's Night.

In the film, a cult is about to sacrifice a woman but soon discovers that she isn't wearing the necessary 'sacrificial ring'. The ring, as it turns out, is currently in the possession of Beatles' drummer Ringo. Upon learning this, several members of the cult (including their leader) try to retrieve the ring while constantly being foiled at every turn. After discovering that the ring is stuck and won't come off, The Beatles seek the help of a mad scientist and his assistant. Of course, the scientist realizes the value of the ring as well, meaning there are now two more people in pursuit of the group. The whole plot as you'd probably expect only serves as an excuse to have a fun, globetrotting adventure with The Beatles. Likewise, every new locale merely exists in the film as a spot for the four to perform one of their songs.

While the film may be light on plot, it's still a fun watch. Obviously it has a solid soundtrack, and there are also quite a few really funny jokes and sight gags. With that being said, there are a few scenes that feel like filler to help the film reach its 92 minute runtime. Overall, Help! is no masterpiece but, as an entertaining, madcap-comedy, it gets the job done.  

I give it a 3 out of 5.

The Legend of Tarzan

Directed by David Yates (who's best known for directing a handful of Harry Potter films), The Legend of Tarzan was released in 2016. I didn't initially see this one in the theaters and I guess I'm not alone there, as the film lost the studio an estimated $40 million. However, it wasn't because of lack of interest, I just never got around to it until now. The film has a pretty impressive cast, starring the likes of Alexander Skarsgard, Margot Robbie, Christoph Waltz, and Samuel L. Jackson. Also, much like films about King Arthur or Robin Hood, Tarzan movies always seem to sucker me in. 

This one starts of with Tarzan (played by Skarsgard), now going by his birth name John Clayton, living in England with his wife Jane (played by Robbie). All of Clayton's back story about his parents being killed, being raised by apes, meeting Jane, etc. is told through flashbacks. Of course, a film about a civilized Englishman who used to be known as 'Tarzan' isn't all that interesting, so there has to be some contrived reason for him to go back to Africa. King Leopold of Belgium has gone bankrupt attempting to build infrastructure in the Congo and has sent Captain Leon Rom (played by Waltz) to Africa in search of diamonds. There is a tribe in the Congo that knows where these diamonds are and their Chief is willing to give them to Rom under one condition: Rom needs to bring back Tarzan to answer for the death of the chief's son. That's the setup, it's pretty straight forward, this movie doesn't really contain any exciting twists or surprises. 

While I do like the cast and think the movie is fairly entertaining, I wouldn't call it 'good'. A lot of the special effects are subpar for a 2016 film that cost an estimated $180 million, and both the plot and dialogue feel a bit clunky at times. It's a shame that there hasn't been a really good Tarzan movie since the Johnny Weissmuller films of the 30's, but I suppose hope springs eternal.
I give The Legend of Tarzan a 2 out of 5.

Joker

Right off the bat, didn't care for this one and I don't recommend it.

Now, to clarify, the movie is fairly well-made. Todd Phillips is a competent director, I liked how the film was shot, Joaquin Phoenix turns in a sold performance, the music is good etc. However, if the primary goal of a film is to entertain, then this one just missed the mark for me. I was bored for a good chunk of the runtime, and I thought the film was a mess.

I obviously wasn't expecting this to be a big, action-packed spectacle like a typical comic book movie. Honestly, that's why I was interested in this to begin with. With that being said, if you're not offering me a story about wacky criminal being foiled by Batman then you should at least make it a compelling film. As a portrait of a man with mental illness who the system has failed, I suppose it was fine but nothing special. 

Maybe if the movie was paced a bit better, was 30 minutes shorter, had a better script, had less scenes stop dead for Joaquin Phoenix to dance, or made Gotham City feel like unique place, I would've enjoyed it a little more. 

As is, even though I really wanted to like this movie, I give it a 1.5 out of 5.

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie

Breaking Bad is easily my favorite television show of all-time, and I have also really enjoyed the spin-off show Better Call Saul. With that being said, I had mixed feelings when El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie was announced. I felt that the ending to the series was incredibly satisfying, and I didn't feel like I needed follow-up. Well, now it's out on Netflix so what did I think? I won't spoil the movie, but I will say that if you were a fan of the series then El Camino is a movie you'll definitely want to it check out. Aaron Paul slides effortlessly back into his iconic character Jesse Pinkman, the film is well written, has a few nice twists and suspenseful moments, and it feels like a worthy companion-piece to the show.

Overall, I found it to be very entertaining and enjoyed it a bit more than I was expecting to. However, while it is a 2hr bonus for fans, I wouldn't recommend it everyone as it does rely on knowledge of the events in Breaking Bad.

I give El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie a 3.5 out of 5

The Barbarian and the Geisha

It's been awhile since I've written about a John Wayne movie on here, with the last one being The Cowboy's back in February. I figured it's time to show 'The Duke' some love, and with that, today's movie is 1958's The Barbarian and the Geisha. This is often regarded as one of the lesser John Wayne films. Sure, it isn't True Grit, or The Searchers, or The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, or Rio Bravo, but I think it's a perfectly fine movie. 

Set in the 1850's, the films plot is about an American named Townsend Harris (played by Wayne) who has been sent to be the first American Consul General to Japan. As typical in films like this, the Japanese don't initially accept Harris' credentials and largely refuse to help him. However, after he builds a relationship with a Geisha, learns more about Japanese culture, and helps rid the village of a cholera outbreak, they have a change of heart and escort him to Edo to meet with the Shogun. 

Obviously, this is one of those films that was a bit outside of John Wayne's comfort zone, and it shows. Ironically, even though I think he was miscast, I only own this one because it is a John Wayne movie. The story is somewhat interesting but, this is one of those films that drags a bit in some spots and feels a lot longer than it's 1hr 45min runtime. I don't think it's a 'bad' movie but, if you're looking to watch one of the many films Wayne starred in, this isn't the first one I would recommend. 
2 out of 5

The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Released in 2012, The Pirates! Band of Misfits wasn't a massive hit financially but, it did pretty well critically and was nominated for several awards including an Oscar nomination for 'Best Animated Feature'.

It's about a pirate simply named 'Pirate Captain' who has led his loyal, rag-tag crew on all sorts of high-seas adventures over the years. His goal now is to win the coveted 'Pirate of the Year' trophy, which is awarded to the Captain who amasses the most treasure. After several attempted raids on various ships have resulted in no treasure being stolen, the crew finds themselves aboard a ship carrying Charles Darwin. Darwin soon notices that Pirate Captains 'parrot' is actually the last living Dodo bird, and tells him that this discovery will yield great riches. So, they all go to London to enter the Dodo in a scientific discovery competition, but Darwin has plans to steal the bird hoping to win the affection of Queen Victoria. 

Personally, I think that this is a fun, well-made movie. The animation and voice acting are great, and the comedy really hits the mark for me. It might not be a home run to every viewer, but I recommend checking it out. 
4 out of 5

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

2013's G.I. Joe: Retaliation is a bit of an odd movie from a production stand-point as it serves as both a sequel to 2009's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra but, it also acts as a sort of reboot for the franchise. About half of the cast are holdovers from the first film but the leader of the 'Joes', Duke (played by Channing Tatum), is killed off early in this movie and replaced with 'Roadblock' (played by Dwayne Johnson). If it sounds a little confusing, don't worry. I watched the film with my wife and 7yr old son, neither of whom saw the first film, and they weren't lost during this one.

The key conflict in this one involves a villian named Zartan (played by Arnold Vosloo) using some nanotechnology to impersonate the President of the United States. The goal of this is to get the other world leaders to give up their nuclear weapons so 'Cobra' can rule the world. Oh, and the Joes of course are the only ones who can stop this. If you look past the exploding firefly robots, ninjas, and Dwayne Johnson's magnetic charisma, you'll find it's the pretty basic 'Good vs. Evil', 'the fate of the world is at stake' plot you'd probably expect from a G.I. Joe movie. 

Overall, while there are a few really cool scenes, this is little more than a big, dumb, action flick. However, if you're just in the mood for that type of movie (and I think most of us feel like that from time to time), then kick back with a bowl of popcorn and enjoy all of the gun play, explosions, and ninja fights G.I. Joe: Retaliation has to offer.

2.5 out of 5

Panic in the Streets

Panic in the Streets is a 1950 crime-drama starring Richard Widmark and Paul Douglas. The film also featured the legendary Jack Palance in his big-screen debut.

The film's premise is this: After a fresh off the boat immigrant is killed by a gangster named "Blackie" (Jack Palance) his body is dumped off at the docks. When the police discover the body the next morning the coroner reports a suspicious bacteria present in the body. Lieutenant Commander and doctor for the U.S. Public Health Service, Clint Reed (played by Richard Widmark) is called in to further examine the body. it's soon discovered that the man had pneumonic plague. It then becomes a race against time, as Reed and police Captain Warren (played by Paul Douglas) need to find the killer and anyone who came in contact with the dead man before a full-blown epidemic breaks out. All the while the two are also trying to keep the story from getting out to reporters, as they fear if it ends up in the newspaper it could result in 'panic in the streets'. 

Overall, I think this is a very good movie with a compelling story. With regards to the two leads of the film, I really like Paul Douglas but, I can think of a handful of actors who probably would've been better choices over Richard Widmark. As for some of the supporting cast, I think that both Barbara Bel Geddes and Zero Mostel did a solid job.

I wouldn't nessacerily call Panic in the Streets a 'must-see' movie but, if you're looking for a decent noir film you can't go wrong with this one. 

4 out of 5

The Numbers Station

Released in 2013, The Numbers Station is thriller Starring John Cusack and Milan Akerman.

The film set, almost entirely, in secret American numbers station and the function of this location is to broadcast codes to intelligence operatives. John Cusack's character, Emerson, is a former CIA agent who has been assigned to this station to protect a code broadcaster named Katherine (played by Akerman). Of course, one day the station comes under attack and all security measures have been compromised. This leaves Katherine and Emerson trapped in the station trying to unravel the mystery of what happened and trying escape with their lives.

While I didn't think this was a great movie and it was a bit predictable, I did find it to be decently entertaining. It's not an action-packed thriller but, I do think the story and confined environment were enough to build and maintain a good level of tension. Although the acting in this one is fine for the most part, Cusack (who's character is supposed to be cold and guarded with memories of past events that still haunt him) just comes off as bored or sleepy a few scenes.

Overall, this one isn't anything special but it's alright.
I give it a 2 out of 5